watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
