Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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