What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
