Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think I am morally bankrupt
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
