Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
