I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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