I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
