I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
