just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
