you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
