pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
