his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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