i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
