need another drink. this is the easiest way
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
