his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
