when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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