how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
