**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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