i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
