in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
