I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
