she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
