thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
