So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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