Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have feelings that need drinking.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
