So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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