Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
