Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
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