are you so shy because you have an std?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
