it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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