Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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