i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
