the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
