The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
