Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
