if you like me you must not know who I am
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
