a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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