So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
