I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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