so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
