Kiss
Puke
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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