She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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