you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
