Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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