You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
