we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
