Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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