Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
