It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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