So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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