I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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