i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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